05 February, 2009

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I finished 'the perks of being a wallflower' last night, and out of the whole book I took this away from the last couple pages from the book.

"I'm not the way I am because of what I dreamt and remembered about my 'aunt helen'. That's what I figured out when things got quiet. And I think that's very important to know. It made things feel clear and together. Don't get me wrong. I know what happened was important. And I needed to remember it. . . So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

Then last night I had a dream, that I was with someone I loved and was happy. Then later in the dream my father was there along with my mom, and step-mom, my two best friends...and this weird random friend of my dad's. But anyways, my dad was being a jerk, and in the dream I finally told him how I felt about everything. I was crying and screaming uncontrollably, and barely able to get the words out, and I didn't even finish because i woke up, heart racing, breathing hard. and i was so angry that I woke up and wasn't able to finish saying what I needed to say. but I do remember this, the way his face looked...and I was happy that he was hurting and felt bad........I guess what I am saying is I know I cant change what happened to me, or how my father is, but I can change how I let it affect me. and I wont let it hinder me anymore, because the only father I need to love me is MY LORD and he loves me more than my real father ever could concieve! and because I AM FREE!



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